


A Ton Of Lemons

by evarosen



Series: When Life Gives You... [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crack, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing, total and utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3625680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evarosen/pseuds/evarosen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ayrton time travels to present times, only to find Alain shaking up with Nelson. Unfortunately Bruno and Nico find themselves with front row seats to this mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stelleappese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stelleappese/gifts).



> Just to get this out of the way: nobody on the fic knows how Ayrton being there came to be, and neither do I. If I ever think of something I'll let you know.

It all started with a guy on vintage racing clothes wandering the streets of Monaco, asking for Alain Prost. 

Someone, who undoubtedly had good intentions but Bruno will nevertheless curse for the rest of his existence, decided to call the other Senna in town to pick up who seemed to be a confused, lost relative.

After all the yelling, pinching, questions and fainting had passed (all right, also the hugging and crying, but Bruno would prefer not to dwell on that), Bruno found himself standing outside Alain's apartment with a still dazed but very determined Ayrton.

Oh, and Karun. Who happened to be with Bruno when he got the call (and would, on his own words 'remind him how he cried like a girl forever'). Truth be told, he'd been the first to take the whole insane situation at face value, and had decided he absolutely would follow Bruno through all this for **moral support**. And because he 'wasn't missing any of this shit'. 

Bruno was _so glad_ someone was having fun.

"Listen, I still think it would be better if..."

Ayrton ignored him, and rang the bell. Bruno didn't remember him being such an inconsiderate bastard.

Alain opened the door, and just stood there, gaping at them. That is, until Ayrton wrapped his arms around him in a bear hug, and just _picked him up_ , lifting him from the floor.

"Alain," he said, his voice full of emotion. 

Alain's hands moved as if to try and push himself free, but then settled on Ayrton's back, gripping the fabric of his shirt.

"Ayrton," he said, his voice faint from shock. Or maybe it was lack of air. 

That was quite a grip Ayrton had on him.

Bruno stared at the scene in front of him, still with that profound feeling of surrealism. Next to him, Karun took a picture with his cell, and gave Bruno a tumbs up when he turned to look at him in disbelief.

"Who is it...?" Came a voice from further inside the apartment, and that seemed to make Alain react. He broke free from Ayrton's crushing hug, and continued to just stare at him, then at Bruno and Karun behind him.

"I think we better go inside, this could take a while to explain" Bruno said, trying to sound confident and not as clueless about all of this as he really was.

He'd been faintly hoping Alain would know what to do, at least until his own head started working again.

"Alain? Did something..." Nelson Piquet emerged from what Bruno thought was one of the rooms. He was wearing what clearly were pajamas.

Ayrton took a step forward. "What is _he_ doing here?" he demanded.

Things only went downhill from there.

****

It took some effort, but Bruno finally managed to have everyone sitting on Alain's living room, and to explain what he knew of the situation, such as it was.

It didn't help at all that Ayrton seemed a lot less interested on how he'd ended up wandering around twenty-some years after his death than he was about the exact nature of Alain and Nelson's relationship.

" _Him_ " he said for what Bruno figured was the tenth time. 

He said it with more contempt every time, so at least that was new.

"Oh, that reminds me, you owe me twenty," Karun said cheerfully.

Bruno stared blankly at him. Karun raised his eyebrows meaningfully at Nelson, who seemed to have accepted pretty quickly it was really Ayrton sitting in front of him, at least judging for the way he kept glaring at him, and at Alain, who remained remarkably calm.

"Oh, for fuck's sake..." Bruno muttered, fishing his wallet.

"When did this happen?" Ayrton insisted resentfully, turning to look at Alain.

"Is none of your bussiness," Nelson answered, as if it was everyday that the ghost of Christmas Past showed up to question his living arrangements.

Then again, Bruno didn't really know Nelson all that well.

"I think we're all missing the point here..." Bruno started, hoping Alain will back him up on keeping the crazy to a minimum, as far as possible.

He never got to finish though, because that was the unfortunate moment Nico and Nelsinho chose to come back from their shared run.

****

"Oh, no" Nico said, breathing on the paper bag. Bruno kept rubbing his back reassuringly while Alain hurried to fetch him another glass of water.

"Tell me about it" Bruno said, just a hint of bite on his tone. He was just out of his own nervous breakdown; it was too much to hope Nico had inherited Alain's preternatural calm along with everything else.

Nico lifted his head and gave him an apologetic look. "I mean, I'm glad your uncle's back, _whatever_ the circumstances, but..." he turned to look at the other side of the room, where Ayrton and Nelson were still engaged on their 'if looks could kill' contest. "Oh, no."

"This is the best day of my life" Karun declared, counting bills. He'd collected on the same unfortunate drunken bet from Nico and Nelsinho too.

Alain came back with the water, and sat on Nico's other side.

"You're ok?" he asked, feeling his forehead.

"Fine," Nico answered, mustering a small smile.

Alain nodded, then looked at Nelson and Ayrton. 

"All right, if we all could sit again..."

"I want him to leave" Ayrton cut him off.

"Er, I think _we_ should leave..." Nico said, gesturing at himself, Bruno and Karun. 

Nelsinho, proving to be as callous as his father, had gone to take a shower.

"I'm not going anywhere" Nelson countered.

"Do you really want to make Alain choose?" Ayrton said sarcastically. "I don't think you would win."

Bruno's mouth dropped open; next to him, Karun sighed and wordlessly gave Nico his twenty back.

Bruno stared at Nico. 

"Er...I was with my dad when he died. I told you," he said to Karun.

Karun shrugged. "Whatever," he said, not taking his eyes from the scene in front of him for a second.

Bruno had the uncomfortable feeling he would be eating popcorn if he had any.

"Don't you believe it," Nelson said nastily. "I was there long before you."

Money changed hands once again.

Alain, while still looking as if he wished the floor would swallow him, spared a moment to give them a look of profound dissapointment.

"Nobody is leaving," he said firmly. 

"You're taking all this extremely well," Bruno said. "I'm so glad I came here."

"So am I," Karun pipped.

"How else can I take it?" Alain said. "Obviously I'm dreaming or allucinating. Mass delusion seems a lesser probability; but just in case, you all will wait here while I check for gas leaks..."

Ayrton slapped him; then took his face on his hands and kissed him, soft and brief.

"Ok?" he said, looking him on the eye.

"Oh God." Alain said, turning white as a sheet. 

Oh, so that had been the reason for the eerie calm, Bruno thought while Nico handed over the paper bag.


	2. Chapter 2

Nico had taken his father to his room so he could lay down a while; he also had forbidden anyone else to even approach the door until he came back, so Ayrton and Nelson were sitting down like grounded children, staring at their shoes.

"Why should I stay outside? This is not my fault, I did nothing!" Nelson had protested, while Nico steered his father.

"Of course, you're helping tremendously" Nico had answered, and ok, he had the icy scariness when he got angry, too. Bruno made a mental note to ask Ayrton if Alain used to mask it under a fluffy exterior when he was younger as well, or if he'd pissed him off from the start enough for Alain not to bother even then.

"You could have killed him." Bruno said accusingly at Ayrton. "Alain's not young anymore; he could be having a heart attack right now!"

Nelson snorted at that. "Alain's annoyingly fit for his age; he's probably just freaking out. Why nobody worries about me? _I_ could have a heart attack."

"I would regret that so much." Ayrton deadpanned.

"I have no doubt you would."

"Enough," Nelsinho said; the commotion had dragged him out. "Do you want Nico to come back and kick you all out?"

"He wouldn't kick _me_ out" Bruno said, but it was half-hearted; he'd never **broken** Nico's dad before.

"He'll be ok, Alain's tough." Ayrton said with confidence. 

"Anyone wants some lunch?" Karun called from the kitchen. He'd found popcorn after all, but decided to save it for Alain's return.

****

"Ok, I've calmed down." Alain announced. "And I intent to stay that way."

"You probably shouldn't go into the kitchen then," Nelson muttered. Nico kicked him as he passed him by. "Ouch!."

"So," Alain said, ignoring Nelson with the ease long practice brough, "I think we should evaluate your options."

"Shouldn't we at least _try_ to find out how he got here?" Bruno asked. "Maybe we could consult, I don't know, Stephen Hawkins or someone like him? Surely you know someone who could help us." Alain seemed to know everybody.

"Sure, you do that, if you think your darling uncle would enjoy his life as a lab rat." Nelson said. "On second thought, you **do** that; by the time they let him go I could have already died from old age. that is, if they _ever_ let him go."

" _Nelson_ " Alain said dissaprovingly. He looked at Bruno. "He's right, though. The less people outside us know about this, the better." He ran a finger on the side of his nose and over his mouth on his usual nervous manner. "We could have a doctor check him over, though. Couldn't hurt."

"I feel fine,"Ayrton said, looking annoyed. "Stop talking about me as if I wasn't here."

"Oh, I'm perfectly aware that you're here," Alain said sharply. Ayrton flinched at that, and Alain's expression inmediately softened. "Sorry, this is not your fault. I just want to help you, don't ever doubt that."

They looked at each other for a few seconds, searchingly, and then Ayrton nodded. He made a gesture as if to reach for Alain's hand, but Nelson beat him to it and pulled Alain from the couch, dragging him on Alain's office direction.

"Why don't you go call that doctor while the young ones explain to him how this modern times work? Right now he's more close to them in age than to us." Nelson said in a perfectly innocent, yet meaningful tone.

"Yeah! Do you know Bruno and I race in electric cars now?" Karun said, seemingly oblivious at how Ayrton's eyes followed Alain sadly as he walked out, Nelson's arm around him.

Bruno reached and patted his uncle's knee reassuringly. "And Alain manages one team. Maybe he could find a place for you there."

Ayrton turned to look at him, his expression full of questions; then he seemed to decide for one. "Wait. How's Stephen Hawkins still alive?"

****

At the end, Alain suggested for Ayrton to pass himself as his own illegitimate child. 

They decided to wait a while to see if he wouldn't just _vanish_ again (ok, nobody said it in so many words, but the thought was present on everyone's head, even in Ayrton's, who was adamant they wouldn't tell the rest of the family until 'they were sure he could stay'). 

Karun decided this time should be well spend making Ayrton become thoroughly familiar with all 'my own granpa' references in pop culture.

"You remind me of Gerhard," Ayrton said one day, while Karun was trying to convince him taking part in a homemade Harlem Shake vid was an essencial part of his acclimatisation.

"Really? Aw, thank you, man!"

"I'm not sure I meant it as a compliment" Ayrton muttered, as he wearily tried to keep Karun from attaching ribbons to his hair.

Bruno shrugged, his purple wig sliding subtly to one side with the movement. 

With Karun, you had to choose your battles.

**EPILOGUE**

Alain had been working on his office the whole morning; he decided to take a break around lunch time, so he went to the kitchen to make himself some coffee.

"I see you replaced all the burned items." Ayrton said conversationally.

Alain didn't drop his mug, but it was a near thing.

"Ayrton! What are you doing here?"

"Nico invited Bruno and me for lunch. I thought you knew."

"Well, he didn't. Of course, he can have people over without consulting me, and Bruno's almost family, so...Where are they?" He looked around as if expecting them to burst from inside the fridge.

"I told them to go without me. _We_ could go somewhere, if you're not busy."

"I'm not really hungry, but I could go with you if you want."

"Maybe later. Where's Nelson?"

The question seemed to make Alain uncomfortable. "Bussiness trip." he answered shortly. He busied himself with another mug.

"So you could answer me. How long?"

"You were _dead_ , Ayrton. It is not..."

"Didn't take long, huh?"

Alain turned to face him. "It took _forever_. Is that what you want to hear? It keeps hurting, even _now_. You're standing there, and I think on how it was..."

Ayrton moved close to him, and reached out to touch his hair. "I'm sorry," he said.

Alain leaned into the touch despite himself. "I couldn't just lay down and die too, Ayrton. I have a family. And Nelson's always been there...oh, God, I don't mean it to sound like that, I do care about him..."

"I know" Ayrton said. He leaned down, and kissed Alain. After a brief hesitation, Alain kissed him back.

****

Neither of them heard the door, they didn't even hear the thumping noises Nelson made as he threw his suitcase to the floor when he walked in.

"DEAR LORD."

Ayrton had Alain sitting on the counter; he was standing between his spread legs, and both of them were shirtless.

There was no way to explain this away.

"Nelson, I can explain..." Alain said frantically, moving to push Ayrton away.

Nelson had gone an interesting shade of red, but he didn't seem angry. He made a 'hold on' gesture, and sat down in a chair; he then proceeded to undo a few buttons of his shirt, and made himself comfortable.

"All right, go on."

Alain did push Ayrton back at that, and just stood there, gaping at Nelson. "What?"

"Perhaps we would be more comfortable in the bedroom. I could even carry the chair there myself," Ayrton said, catching up quickly.

"You bet you'll be doing all the heavy lifting," Nelson said, smirking. 

He grabbed a belwidered Alain by the hand, and all but dragged him to the bedroom, a laughing Ayrton in tow.

****

So the opposite scenario took a while to be possible, mostly because of Ayrton insistence that, whatever God's plan had been for him to let him come back, seeing Nelson Piquet naked certainly wasn't part of it.

He relented though; his distate to be left aside when Alain was with Nelson stronger than his complains.

****

"Why do you tell me all this?! I'm your nephew!" Bruno shrieked, horrified.

Ayrton shrugged, unrepentant. "You're the one who keeps insisting you're no longer a child."

"But I'm still your flesh and blood! I'm never getting that image out of my head! Do you remember I work with Alain? I won't be able to look at his face ever again!"

"You date his son and look at his face just fine," Ayrton said in the same composed, totally evil tone.

Bruno chocked on his coffee. "You know that?!"

"The walls here are paper thin." Bruno made a sound of profound embarrasement and buried his face on his hands. "Also, Nico told Alain ages ago." Ayrton added, patting his back. That didn't make Bruno feel any better.

****

"Of course he told his dad; Alain's in a polyamorous relationship with two of his former racing rivals, one of whom is virtually the living dead. Nico would have to date Bin Laden for him to be able to say anything against it," Karun reasoned. "Plus, Alain loves you, you idiot. He wouldn't have said anything anyway."

"Maybe" Bruno said, midly reassured.

"So, can I tape your double date?"

Bruno threw his water at him.


End file.
